I (Tracy) loved talking to Bill and Binny Pearce during LOVE Your Spouse week. Listen to the conversation here. Some things they said really resonated with me and maybe they will with you, too.
I’m Getting Mad Because I’m Not Getting My Way
Sometimes I get so mad at my husband. It can be over little, meaningless things like the way he chews his gum (yes, I am one of those wives! Ugh.) Or, how he doesn’t hear me the first time I say something. Or, how he gets the kids all riled up right after I put them to bed. I can get mad over bigger things like how he made a face when I got a new haircut. Or, how he moaned (again) about having to drive one of the kids somewhere. Or, how he went in and sat down to watch a ball game instead of noticing that there was still work to do in the kitchen. Yes, big and small is all in your perspective!
During our interview I really wanted to ask Bill and Binny what they do when they get mad at each other and don’t feel like being kind. Deep down I really do WANT to do the right thing but in that moment I don’t care. I get impatient. I make comments. I add another check on Chad’s bad column on my mental list.
During the conversation Binny said that in her marriage she finally realized when she would get mad it was because she hadn’t gotten her way. Hmmm, could that be my problem? (Oh, please no). Then, she said that she had to ask God to change HER!
As I think about this I realize, too, that I am usually getting mad because I am not getting my way (even when I just know my way is the best way). It is true. I want my way. I am selfish and impatient and am not putting my husband first.
I NEED to ask God to change me! I NEED to be changed from the inside because I am not doing a very good job on my own. I really WANT to be patient and kind and a servant and support my wonderful husband. I WANT to be unselfish and put him first. God change me, please. Help me see him through your eyes and accept his differences and build him up.
Putting our two differences together can be a powerful oneness.
Get On Your Knees, Girl!
Aren’t a lot of marriage problems caused by unmet expectations?
- You expected your roles in the home to be different than they turned out to be…conflict.
- You expected your spouse to save money like you do…they’re a spender…conflict.
- You expected your spouse to make more money, be home more, help with the babies more, change light bulbs, do the budget, be more romantic…conflict.
- You expected sex to be different…conflict.
- You think he’s too strict with the kids or too passive as a parent…conflict.
When I asked Bill and Binny what they would say to the person in the midst of unmet expectations and conflict they were so encouraging. They, also, went through hard times. It is inevitable. Then, I heard Binny say, “Get on your knees, girl!”
Their marriage began with a commitment to stay married.
The saving grace was that we came into marriage with the sense that we are committed to this relationship regardless.
They were in it forever and their was NO other option. I know that many of you may have a spouse who is not keeping their side of the commitment. But, like I heard Binny say, “Get on your knees!” Stop nagging and trying to change your spouse and just “Get on your knees!”
Love it. Now I need to do it more!
You Are On The Same Team
A lot of marriages are in trouble because they don’t see themselves on the same team.
Do you ever look at your spouse and just feel like you are on opposite teams and fighting against each other? I once heard someone say that your spouse is not your enemy. Remember, you are on the same team.
We are all fighting against a broken marriage and a broken family. If we are fighting to win the race then we better start supporting our teammate, seeing their strengths, praying for their weaknesses and fighting together to win!
How can you build up your team? The other night Chad went to bed but the kids and I stayed up to watch a movie because we had the next day off. We surprised Chad the next morning with a thank you note for working hard signed by all of us, a plate of yummy goodies and his lunch packed and ready in the refrigerator.
How will you love your spouse better today?